Wisdom About Relationships

Devotional for 10.31.11

Hello, friends. What a dear word: Friends. Throughout the month of November we’re going to focus on the wisdom the book of Proverbs gives us about our relationships. Let’s give thanks again to God for the gift of relationships and for the especially sweet treasure of the sisterhood.

Let’s turn to Proverbs chapter 17 together so we can get wisdom that goes beyond the gold!

WISDOM ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

Better a dry crust with peace and quiet

than a house full of feasting, with strife.

Proverbs 17:1

As fall transitions to winter, there are changes in wardrobes and food choices. The capris and t-shirts are traded in for jeans and sweaters. The menu moves from chicken on the grill to comforting chicken noodle soup on the stovetop. There’s comfort in the warmth of a fireplace, a mug of hot chocolate, and extra quilts on the bed.

Relationships are one of the comforts of human life that God has gifted us. He intends for us to experience comfort and joy in the love, peace, and unity that are characteristics of wise relationships.

• Those who are wise in relationships care more about who’s around the table then what’s on the table. Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife (Proverbs 17:1). Experts agree that sharing meals strengthens family relationships. Children who eat regularly with their families and feel a sense of peace and security around the table, experience better grades, healthier eating habits, closer relationships with their parents and siblings, and a greater ability to resist negative peer pressure.

• Those who are wise in relationships extend grace to all. He (She) who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends (Proverbs 17:9). When people makes mistakes the wise cover it with grace and love. The foolish gossip about it. One strengthens relationships; the other destroys them. So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you (Matthew 7:12).

• Those who are wise in relationships are quick to help those in need. A friend is loyal, and a brother (sister) is born to help in time of need (Proverbs 17:17). True friends stick together in the good times and the bad. If one falls down, his (her) friend can help him (her) up. But pity the man (woman) who falls and has no one to help him (her) up (Ecclesiastes 4:10)!

Jesus is the glorious, perfect fulfillment of how to be wise in our relationships. He is a friend to sinners, one who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24), and a servant of all, who in love and humility, made Himself nothing, becoming obedient to death so we can have a forever relationship with God (Philippians 2:5-11).

Wisdom Step: Thank God for the relationships you have. Pursue wise, practical, and fun ways to strengthen your relationships today.   

To have a good friend is one of the highest delights of life; to be a good friend is one of the noblest and the most difficult undertakings.  

Unknown

The Heart/Lip Connection

Devotional for 10.24.11

Blessed Monday to each one of you! How are you? What’s stirring in your heart today? That impacts so much, doesn’t it? The things that we think about and that we treasure within our hearts, impact our attitudes, our choices, and our words.

Let’s turn to Proverbs chapter 16 together so we can get wisdom that goes beyond the gold!

THE HEART/LIP CONNECTION

A wise man’s (woman’s) heart guides his (her) mouth,

and his (her) lips promote instruction.

Proverbs 16:23

The book of James, chapter 3, provides practical and truth-filled visuals about our tongues. A small bit can turn a large horse. Even in strong winds, a small rudder can steer a huge ship. A small spark can ignite a great forest on fire. And our teeny-tiny tongues contain that same fiery power for good or for evil.

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, (my sisters), this should not be (James 3:9-10). This should not be, yet too often it is. James speaks of the irony of how all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man (or woman) can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison (James 3:7-8).

  

To be wise women who speak wise words, we need to fill our hearts and minds with God’s wisdom. Our heart guides our mouth (Proverbs 16:23a). From a wise mind comes wise speech (Proverbs 16:23a, NLT). Jesus said, “For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man (woman) brings good things out of the good stored up in him (her), and the evil man (woman) brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him (her).” (Matthew 12:34-35) We cannot ignore the connection between our heart and our lips! This is an especially critical reminder for those who teach and are in leadership positions within their clubs and churches.

When we fear the LORD and gain His wisdom, the way we lead and instruct those we disciple will reflect that wisdom. According to Proverbs 16 our words will be . . .

• From the LORD. He gives the reply of the tongue (v 1)
• Honest. Truth will be spoken (v 13)
• Pleasant. Learning will increase (v 21)
• Sweet. Health will be given to the body (v 24)
• Patient. Self-control will be kept (v 32)

Sadly, the opposite is also true. Foolish words come with painful consequences. When we speak what seems right to us instead of speaking from God’s wisdom, it leads to death (v 25). When our words are poison instead of wise, they scorch like fire (v 27); they stir up dissension, and separate friends (v 28).

Wisdom Step: Think about the connection between your heart and lips in your leadership positions within your home, club, church, and community.  

God be in my head, and in my understanding;

God be in my eyes, and in my looking;

God be in my mouth, and in my speaking;

God be in my heart, and in my thinking;

God be at my end, and in my departing.

Old Sarum Primer, 1558

An Apt Reply

Devotional for 10.17.11

Let’s turn to Proverbs chapter 15 together so we can get wisdom that goes beyond the gold!

AN APT REPLY

A man (woman) finds joy in giving an apt reply –

and how good is a timely word.

Proverbs 15:23

Timing is everything, they say, and according to Proverbs 15:23 there’s special joy when we give an apt and timely word. Maybe that’s because it’s so rare when we say the right thing at just the right time! In haste or frustration we tend to speak too soon or too much. In retrospect we think of the should’ves – Should’ve listened closer, should’ve talked less, should’ve said this, shouldn’t have said that . . .

How do we gain wisdom on giving an apt reply? One of the ways is to look to Jesus, the greatest of all communicators!

Jesus listened and paid attention to people. An apt and timely word begins with closed lips and open ears. Concentrate on what people say and listen closely to their words (Proverbs 4:20). Jesus paid attention. He noticed Zacchaeus in the treetop (Luke 19:1-10), in a large crowd He felt the touch of a woman who was subject to bleeding for twelve years (Mark 5:24-34), and He stooped to hold babies and bless children (Luke 18:15-17). When people were hurting, hungry, and lacked hope, He listened, paid attention, and responded with love.

Jesus asked a lot of questions. The first to present his (her) case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him (her) (Proverbs 18:17). Asking sincere questions invites people into the activity of discovery. It’s often more effective for people to discover the truth on their own then for us to bulldoze our way through the conversation with bullet points of advice and three-point sermons of how they should make wiser choices. Although the Gospels only record a fraction of Jesus’ words, they contain more than one hundred fifty questions that Jesus asked! Jesus could’ve told His disciples, “I am the Christ.” Instead He invited them into the discovery and asked, “Who do you say I am?” (Mark 8:29). He could’ve told the religious leaders that His authority comes from God. Instead He answered their questions with questions that were imbedded with truth. Do you think questions are an effective way to give an apt reply?

Jesus spoke the truth in love. An apt and timely word is motivated by love. All the words of my mouth are just; none of them is crooked or perverse (Proverbs 8:8). Jesus was the Truth and He spoke the truth. Not to prove that He was smart or right, or to be well-liked or well-known. He spoke the truth because He loved people. Jesus told His heavenly Father, “I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them” (John 17:26).  

Wisdom Step: Read through one of the Gospels this week. Record and learn from the ways that Jesus gave an apt and timely word.  

Jesus isn't wowed by fancy words. Keep it simple: Love God; love people; and do stuff. That about covers it.

Bob Goff

Healing Words

Devotional for 10.10.11

Happy Monday, dear sisters! And Happy Thanksgiving to our Canadian sisters and their families! Giving thanks to God for each one of you today and all season long!

Let’s turn to Proverbs chapter 14 together so we can get wisdom that goes beyond the gold!

HEALING WORDS

Fools mock at making amends for sin,

but goodwill is found among the upright.

Proverbs 14:9

Last week a Club Coordinator shared how their counselor team had intentionally focused on wisdom about words at their club meeting. When the girls arrived they wrote words of encouragement on lips cut out of red construction paper and posted them to their club’s “Wisdom Wall.” For a large group activity each girl had a piece of paper taped to her back and they wrote nice things about one another on that paper. What fun they had giving and receiving those uplifting words!

“As one of the counselors was leaving club, I noticed that she was upset,” the Club Coordinator said. She asked her about it and the counselor said nothing was wrong. She questioned her again, and the counselor said she was fine. She probed further and the truth came out. Another counselor had made a snide comment that had crushed her spirit.

The Club Coordinator lamented, “How can we focus for two hours on being wise about words and still wound one another before the night is over?” I had asked myself a similar question earlier that week. Within 48 hours of writing a devotional about speaking what is pleasant, beautiful, and kind, I pulled out the sword of sarcasm, wounding a family member instead of nourishing her soul with what was fitting and appropriate. What a battle it is to consistently be wise with our words!

Romans 8:1 reminds us that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Jesus paid for that sin on the cross. Our job is to repent to God and to others, receive His grace, and press on to be the wise women He calls us to be.

Some of the best healing words that we can gift to one another is “I’m sorry,” “Please forgive me,” “I love you.”

Fools mock at making amends for sin (Proverbs 14:9a). They dismiss and excuse their reckless words with, “She had it coming, it just slipped out, it’s no big deal . . .” They fail to comprehend that God hears their words and will hold them accountable for each one. Jesus said, “But I tell you that men (and women) will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matthew 12:36-37). But goodwill is found among the upright (Proverbs 14:9b). Those who speak wisely, remembering that God hears each word they say, will experience favor and grace in their relationships with Him and with others (Proverbs 3:34, 11:20).

Wisdom Step: What words of repentance and restoration do you and I need to speak today?  

Cold words freeze people and hot words scorch them, and bitter words make them bitter, and wrathful words make them wrathful. Kind words also produce their image on men’s souls; and what a beautiful image it is. They soothe, and quiet, and comfort the hearer.

Blaise Pascal

Open Them, Shut Them

Devotional for 10.3.11

Happy October, dear sisters in Jesus! I hope you’re all well. What’s the last thing that you ate today? If it was your foot, then this devotional may resonate with you. May all the words of our mouths . . . be pleasing in His sight and to His ears. Seeking to guard my mouth with you!

Let’s turn to Proverbs chapter 13 together so we can get wisdom that goes beyond the gold!

OPEN THEM, SHUT THEM

He (She) who guards his (her) lips guards his (her) life, but he (she) who speaks rashly will come to ruin.

Proverbs 13:3

Open them, shut them. Open them, shut them.

Give a little clap.

Open them, shut them. Open them, shut them.

Lay them in your lap.

This fun hands-on song for children is applicable to our lips. There is a time to open our mouths and a time to shut them. To get the timing right, we must guard the gate of our lips with God’s wisdom!

The wise open their lips . . .

• To speak what is right, true, good, and honest (Proverbs 8:6, 12:19, 12:14, 24:26).
• To nourish other people’s souls with hope and healing (Proverbs 10:21, 12:18).
• To share knowledge, understanding, and wisdom (Proverbs 15:7).
• To speak what is pleasant, beautiful, and kind (Proverbs 16:24)
• To say what is fitting and appropriate (Proverbs 10:32)

With many of us having to admit that we’re rarely at a loss for words, can it be said of you and me that we only open our lips to speak what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Ephesians 4:29)? Do our words give life and preserve life? Is the motive behind our words to uplift and extend grace?

If not, we need to shut our lips! Wise women stop talking when they’re tempted to fault-find, grumble, complain, gossip, lie, exaggerate, and criticize. If these words reflect our patterns of speech around the dinner table, at lunch break, via email, or even during prayer request times within our small groups, we need to get to the root of the matter and it’s not our lips – it’s our heart!

What we say reflects the condition of our heart. Jesus said, For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man (woman) brings good things out of the good stored up in him (her), and the evil man (woman) brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him (her) (Matthew 12:34-35). When the Holy Spirit controls our words and the motives behind them, wise and edifying words will be sure to follow.

Be wise and make David’s prayer your own. Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips (Psalm 141:3).

Wisdom Step: Not sure if you should open your lips or shut them? Lay your words in His lap – surrendering the motives of the heart to Him.  

The words we say not only have shelf life, but have the ability to shape life. Choose well.

Bob Goff